Magnetic Couples

There are no easy answers or cookbook-recipe solutions to the above situations; each couple must creatively and collaboratively find the formulas that work best for them in coping with the unique demands of sharing an HIV/AIDS-discordant relationship. Below are some tips that might help make navigating through these transitions smoother:

Communication is of the utmost importance. Each partner should feel free to openly share and discuss any and all thoughts and feelings about their experiences and perspectives and to be acknowledged and validated. Keeping thoughts and feelings concealed, even if it's done with the intention of trying to protect your partner, will only serve to backfire later and have severe consequences individually and for the relationship. It might be very helpful for each partner to seek individual counseling for support and skills in dealing with the unique HIV+ or HIV- perspectives and also pursue couples counseling for assistance with relationship enrichment and communication/conflict management skills training. While your sexual relationship may experience its ebbs and flows, recognize that this is normal of any partnership and that it's important to communicate your needs, feelings, and fantasies regularly. Creatively explore different ways to make your bedroom adventures more interesting and look at nonsexual methods of play as another source of pleasure. Some couples have discussed having an "open relationship" as an option of dealing with bedroom difficulties and this can be a viable approach if both partners are agreeable, if it doesn't oppose either partners' values, and that specific boundaries and limits are placed on it so as to protect the relationship. Safer sex with your partner and others, of course, is the only way to reduce the risk of transmission of the HIV virus no matter how "healthy" sex partners may be (and this is still not a guarantee).

Approach the ups and downs as a team and it's best if both are actively involved in the healthcare planning and management process. Consult a financial planner who can best help you structure a financial plan and budget in dealing with medical and basic life costs, and it's also extremely important in this day and age to obtain the necessary legal documents to protect your gay relationship during potential health crises (living wills, insurance beneficiary designations, financial and medical powers of attorney, etc.)

Build your support network and access community resources. While discordant HIV relationships don't seem to get much exposure at this time, many gay community health centers and clinics offer self-help groups, programs, counseling, or social events that might help meet an unmet need you may have as a couple. Or you can be proactive and start your own group, either online or community-based, to help foster more support and connection with other like-minded couples that share your mixed status. One resource that you might find helpful that caters specifically to positive/negative relationships is a website called "The Body". This is a great resource on information pertaining to HIV/AIDS as a whole and they have a forum specifically for mixed HIV-status couples at http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/Couples/index.html.

There are going to be hard times, no doubt. This is the case in any relationship. The important thing here is to avoid defining your relationship solely around the HIV/AIDS aspect and instead view it as a part of a greater whole that constitutes your partnership. There are many other aspects of your being a couple that require your attentiveness and it's important to bring everything into balance as much as possible. Nurture you relationship, give it lots of TLC (tender-loving-care), and demonstrate for your partner how important and special he is to you. Capitalize on the strengths in your relationship and why you love each other during those trying times to help bolster your resiliency.

Conclusion
Being a mixed HIV-status couple can be a rewarding experience, but both partners must accept the responsibilities inherent to this relationship style in overcoming its challenges, just like in any relationship. The quality of your relationship and the extent to which you practice open communication and collaborative problem-solving is the primary predictor of relationship success for positive/negative couples. Make the challenges you experience an asset in your favor! You can reach greater depths of intimacy and fulfillment by conquering your issues as co-pilots on the journey. This relationship type actually has another bonus attached in that these couples typically, because of their situation, focus more on what's important in life, have a good grasp on priorities, and live for the moment rather than getting caught up in petty, superficial squabbles. Because of this, and as long as the potentially harsh realities are accepted and approached with flexibility and commitment as partners-for-life, HIV-positive/HIV-negative couple pairings really can be assets for relationship success-hence, they really are magnetic!