When Should You Disclose?

Is there a perfect time to disclose your status? Probably not, but there are choices to be made regarding when to tell. As was mentioned earlier, disclosure can occur prior to any sexual contact. But what if the relationship hasn't gotten to that point? There are a couple schools of thought regarding when to tell. While there is no perfect time, there is a time that best suits you.

• Kiss and Tell – those who choose to “kiss and tell” will go on a few dates before disclosing their HIV status. This does have its advantages. For one it allows you to wait and see if the relationship is going to get serious before disclosing. If the relationship stalls, your status was not disclosed needlessly. In other words, people who kiss and tell feel this option is best because it limits the number of people who become aware of their HIV diagnosis.
  
  
• Tell and Kiss – there are some people who choose to “tell and kiss,” meaning that HIV disclosure occurs very early in the relationship, in some cases on the first date. One reason for early disclosure is there is less emotional attachment at that point. It is a fact of life that some people will not be ready to date an HIV-infected person. Some feel that it is better to be rejected early as opposed to later when an emotional connection has occurred. In addition, early disclosure implies honesty. Waiting to disclose until you have had a few dates first may be viewed as dishonest by some. Finally, people who disclose early find comfort in knowing that if the relationship does succeed and move forward, their partner accepts them for who they without conditions.